Whining. [U can skip this]

Dear diary,

Classes will officially commence next week. That will be a tues as I'll be off for all mondays. N the lecturers have been bombarding our mailbox with tons n tons of emails abt wad to prepare for the 1st lecture. I've been flooding my time with lecture notes and course guides until i forgotten all abt the word tat starts with a H. Home. 

Maybe the word home has officially became a "foul" language to me because thinking abt home, family n friends back in msia tears my heart. N its really painful. Right now I am thinking abt my own little room, which is now painted ORANGE n *apparently its looking really good*, N my spiral staircase at home where u can actually run up n down, my nene n kakak's cooking that smells really good at this very moment, dinner with my god-family n my extended family at the oh-so-green garden which will now smell of paint because the walls are newly paint, my dearest Pippa who will sit in front of her kennel while waiting for us to come home oni to hear us call her name, thinking abt bro finally catching up with her friends in cardiff  n finally all of my dearies at their 1st week of orientation [or some tat even started long ago].

Today I took the effort of clicking into all of thier blogs n went through every word in their blogs. U may feel tat I am bored n I hv nth to do. But I just truly wanna noe wad's happening back home and wad I am missing out. I really wanna witness the new friendship all of them built in this whole new environment and feel the fun or the pain they r having. At this very moment, me too, really hope somebody in my family blogs. Or even my extended family. I miss all of them. This may sound a lil weird. But I really miss all the family gatherings. T.T 

"i can be surrounded by a sea of people and still feel all alone."

Over here in melbourne, there are many many many people to hang out with. Frens. Frens of frens. Sis's frens. I may be laughing n laughing along n cracking lame jokes tat nobody laughs to n present myself as a happy go lucky person. But deep inside, it aint suppose to be like this. Portraying myself tat way will only make me feel alive with these company. Sometimes after a good laugh, when i tend to be a lil more quiet, many many things are running in my head. Its back to square one. During the late nights, when u are up all alone staring at the dark skies n listening to the traffic out there is sometimes really depressing.

12 weeks of classes, 3 weeks of breaks n 2 weeks of exams n I'll be finished with 1 sem. Tat will be in 4 months time. It sounds so short when u say it. But it is not when u start counting down the days n everyday passes u with fear n loneliness. On the bright side, I'll be seeing mum in 5 months time. It will be a paradise if I get to see dad as well. Besides, I'll be seeing Uncle Thiam Lai next month hopefully, darling lyn during her sem break perhaps, Loong during his July intake maybe n Nene in 8 months time. N finally return to a place i call home. 

Meanwhile, the wait will be long. I'll hv to study hard, n tat's wad I am here for. I'll hv to make friends and everyday next week will be a challenge. I'll move to wherever I am suppose to. A bigger n more comfortable place perhaps. I'll do whatever it takes to forget my foul language during the wait. n yes, if u are still reading my long whining post, I hope this will be my last emo post. 

Dear diary,

There are times where I'll miss everything so so much. Tat's painful. But i'll have to move on right? Looking back at everything n missing everything back at home is not going to do me any good afterall. This is a one way ticket n there's no way of turning back. If I am going to stay on in melbourne for the next 3 years or more, I'll hv to get over this whole entire missing home syndrome. I know I can do it right? N u, my diary, will stay together with me n hear me whine abt it over n over again until i get over it right? 

Till then. I'll hv to get back to my lecture notes, Enough of ranting n move on. 

"Never let the fear of striking out,

keep you from playing the game." 

thx for reading. =)