Dear Diary

I wished week 3 never came. This week was such a tough week. Ups and downs! Macro 2's giving me a hard time. Quantitative Analysis's lecturer is practically using the most inefficient way to teach us. Business Finance's cool but I'm confused. OB sends shivers down my spine whenever I think abt how lost I am in the course structure. My brains are empty. I am not putting effort. I am gonna regret. :(

Oh dear God. Please help me.

Haven't played much Table Tennis this week because there's a tournament happening in the club. I suck at table tennis. I can only dream to play like the others. Everything wouldn't come true without practice. I need to be committed. I hate myself for losing the passion.

IVG 2010 and RMIT Mentor's amazing race is coming up one after another after easter. No complains here because I love what I am doing. But I hope I dont repeat my mistakes ever again. If you know me well during high school, u'll know what I am talking abt. I need to learn to prioritize my task and not take things for granted and regret later on. :s

Failure. I fear failure. I've screwed up one of the most important thing that I went through this week. I do not know what's wrong with me. I never learn! Urghh. I hate myself for this n I foresee I wont forgive myself in the near future. Sigh. I dont know how to explain what I am feeling right now and how regretful I am after putting so much effort in sth I really want. :(

Dear God, please pass a message to all people on earth to not judge a book by its cover. You never know how much a person can do w/o actually knowing how they work. Feeling really demotivated. I am so confused myself. I can't rmb how being happie felt after getting used to putting a smile on the face although there's sth sad hiding deep under.

I've been dreaming a lot recently. About death. about things I want to come true. and about things that have been bugging me. 2 person died in my dreams this week. I remember I woke up crying when I dreamt of them dying in my dreams. N there were nights where I woke up feeling really disappointed for not getting things my way in my dreams. oh well, i know dreams are dreams but they feel so real :(

On the up side, The only person that put a big smile on my face today is my beloved Uncle back home! :) I'm one lucky niece! XD